The Unknown

21 Jul

As I explore my thoughts — allowing big questions to remain hanging painfully open — I’m seized by the limits of my perspective and the hint of what is beyond it.  Not so much in a personal opinionated way, but more as a being who appears to be getting tossed around on wavelets of a massive sea.  Even my own thoughts may be part of the turbulence.

It feels like being a 2-D figure stuck to the screen on a Lite-Brite.  One is hopelessly dependent and out of the loop by the very nature of one’s identity.  I’m stuck in this bastard space, and it seems there are plenty of fellow travelers.  This situation is somehow suffused with illusions of wholeness and sensibility.  Familiarity and a snappy pointer finger are meant to substitute for adequate understanding, but they do no such thing.

I’m impressed by a feeling that there is much more to reality than humans can understand or fathom.  I know it’s true.  Most human so-called ‘understanding’ amounts to pointing and vectoring the right ways at the right times.  Pointing!  Lots of pointing and twitching.  But how does one ever get beyond pointing and common sense?  I feel that reality must include something other than pointing.

I do find peace in accepting the nature of the situation.  The peace is not the product of satisfaction or affinity for the situation but is more like a sigh of relief from my eyes which could not be wholly deceived.  It might be thought that asking so many bottomless questions would lead to discontent, but I find a welcome peace in it.  Things are what they are, and working to believe otherwise is very stressful.  To not ask the questions would be far worse for me.  I cannot avoid these things as easily as most people can, and I don’t believe there’s any value in active diversion.  I’ve not found the human games of pretend all that convincing, and I never forgot that Reality was there.  Yes, you are doing your important things.  Your loves, your power games, your this, your that.  But we exist!  Don’t you see!  Aliens on Earth would be peanuts in comparison.  Don’t you get it?  If I met an alien tomorrow, I would still be overcome by the thought of existence.  Nobody seems to get it; they take their mortal egos so very seriously.

I have to laugh sometimes.  Are aliens or a Matrix reality the most exotic things people can think of?  I’m sure that it’s far more hardcore than that, although those sorts of things could be incumbent in the lower levels.  I don’t know exactly what it is.  I can’t say if it’s good, bad, something else, or none of the above.  I just know it’s beyond me in every sense of the word and then some.  And this realization changes everything.



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